jennermelons:

somethingfrisky:brightsidesuicide:championawkward:nickitively:nauticalnestortiresome:sealegslexi:virgineyes:edenkhristine:bellasmusiclife:khriziakamille:

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say “could be better” this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is say you say “you better be”. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things … they usually mean the most. Then, when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket… then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye”. The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say “no she’s not hungry”. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts……and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i’m talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say no it’s just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i’ve already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don’t get her something. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much, but I think it’s funny.

26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Don’t call.

LMAO 22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

this shit is hilarious

 HAHAHAHA!

asunburntcountry:

dementes:

What is a bogan?

BOGAN (pronunciation boe-gn) is a term used primarily in Australia to describe a particular section of the working class demographic.  This derogatory slang word is a gender-neutral noun; this being important as many bogans tend to gravitate towards one another forming relationships and extended families.  A bogan family is not an uncommon phenomena in certain regions.  A bogan typically resides in either a low-cost housing estate, government housing or in the outlying regional areas of continental Australia.  Generally bogans tend to congregate in areas with little or no features & amenities.

Generally the bogan fits a particular stereotypical image.  The perception of what actually constitutes a bogan has been shaped over the years primarily by the media; notable especially are television programs such as Channel 7’s Today Tonight and Channel 9’s A Current Affair .  These programs regularly feature stories of harrowing boganism- including communities under siege from bogan terrorism, and bogans “rorting the system” in relation to welfare benefits and questionable practices.  A number of comedy programs have also featured bogans in the past, prime examples beingKylie Mole of The Comedy Company, Poida (bogan pronunciation of the name “Peter”) played by Eric Bana, and more recently Bloke Man of the Comedy Inc late shift.  Eric Bana’s portrayal of the character Poida gained him accolades within the industry and effectively launched his professional acting career.  This is one of very few examples of extreme boganism leading to success & wealth.

So now we have a basic understanding of the bogan, we may delve further into the mysterious world of mullets and long-kneck beer bottles in brown paper bags. Traits of the bogan can be summarised by the following points:

• A pronounced lack of dress sense in social situations.  Typical bogan attire consists of a flannelette shirt, King Gee stubbie shorts (either blue/khaki), torn or soiled jeans from the 1980’s or earlier, and of course double-plug standard issue white thong sandals with black rubber.  A bogan’s dress sense is not influenced by intended destination/occasion hence the line between workwear and formal wear is often hazy at best.  On rare occasions bogans may be spotted wearing enclosed shoes when entering the local RSL to “have a slap on the pokies” or to “get pissed wif me mates on the veebs (VB)”.  A female bogan will usually wear a matching ensemble usually consisting of second-hand fashions or products purchased from the discount retail chains Best and Less or Big W.

• A lack of personal hygiene.  A bogan will often allow his/her hair to grow into an attractive style named the “mullet” as popularised in the 1980’s.  A hair cut is a rare event for the bogan, and most styling occurs when the razor is brought out to either a) produce a “skinhead” style cut or b) a “frullet” (front-mullet).  Similar styles apply for females, however the female bogan frequently colours her hair auburn.  The bogan bathroom usually contains a bar of multi-purpose soap used to both cleaning the family, washing the hair, styling the hair and manicures/pedicures.  Whilst most non-bogans will use Eau de Toilette spray as a perfume, the most common boganistic fragrance is “Odour of Toilet”.  The bogan frequently rosters showers at irregular intervals such as once a week for males and twice for females.

• Distinct vocabulary.  The bogan language is somewhat foreign to most English-speaking people.  For example in boaglish, the word “shooting” would be pronounced as “shootun”.  Similarly, the word “look out” is pronounced as “look eet”.  The boaglish alphabet does not contain the letters “i” or “g”, hence the pronunciation of words containing the suffix -ing are simply pronounced -un.  Examples include “rootun” (rooting), “fishun” (fishing) and the common phrase “where’s me fuckun beer woman” (what is the current location of my alcoholic beverage dearest female partner).  The boaglish vocabulary is mostly limited to frequent curse-words and miss-pronunciation of common English words.  A common bogan trait also includes shortening words.  Locations such as the Wyong Leagues Club become the “leaguesy”, the Crown Casino becomes the “leaguesy” and females/males such as Sharon/Barry become “Shaz” and “Baz”.

• A particular choice in motor vehicle.  The bogan usually drives one of two makes of vehicle.  Typically this is either a Holden or a Ford .  Common bogan variants manufactured by each of these companies include the Holden Commodore (VB-VP models), Holden Kingswood and the Ford Falcon (all models up to the recent EF).  Other well known bogan vehicles include early model Datsuns andToyotas .  Bogan accessories include anything HSV/HRT for Holdens, and FPV/FTR for Fords.  These vehicles tend to be more prevalent on the roads whilst the V8 supercar races are being held.  Drivers often attempt to imitate in heavy traffic their heroes Skaifey (Mark Skaife) and Ambrose (Marcos Ambrose).  Bogan vehicles are rarely detailed, and are serviced even less frequently.  Most bogan drivers hold animosity towards imported vehicles “farken rice” and are still bitter that the Nissan Skyline beat the Holden and Ford racing teams at Bathurst in the early 90’s.  Consequently, many bogans believe their VN Commodore has the ability to beat anything with the badge “Ferrari”, “Nissan”, “BMW M3” or “Pagani”.  Click here for examples of bogan vehicles.

• Choice in music.  The bogan prefers either metal or pub rock.  A bogan would suggest that the song Khe Sanh by Cold Chisel would be a more appropriate national anthem than Advance Australia Fair.  AC/DC is also a popular choice.  Anything Barnesy. Midnight Oil is another classic example of the bogan genre.

• Employment status.  The common bogan is either a) not employed or b) a tradesman/labourer.  A bogan employee can be spotted kitted up in a fluorescent vest or polo shirt.  Unemployed bogans often frequent RSL’s/clubs for discount lunches during the day, before continuing on to the local Centrelink office to receive the hard-earned cash of the tax-paying public.  This will be followed by a journey to the most convenient bottle shop (“bottlo”) to purchase 2x24 cartons (“slabs”) of Victoria Bitter (“Veebs”) for $60.  Also included in this purchase is the all-important packet of Winfield Reds(“Smokes”).  The rest of this pension money is budgeted towards the “pokies” at the local pub.

• A poorly-maintained house or unit.  As previously mentioned, the bogan often resides in regions of a lower socio-economic standing.  Basically, in most cases the bogan is located some way inland from a coastal fringe or major waterway.  In the case of Sydney, this has lead to the term “westie” being coined in order to distinguish the boganistic population of the inland western suburbs from the more affluent residents of the east.  In the case of NSW/QLD and Victoria, the majority of bogans are located on or west of the Great Dividing Range.  Whilst this is not always the case, it is important to note that the concentration of bogans per capita is somewhat higher in these areas.  The bogan house usually consists of a number of elements (see below):

1. 1. The bedroom (for rootun).
   2. The balcony (for smokun/shootun).
   3. The livun room (for watchun telly/smokun/gettun pissed).
   4. The kitchen (for storun beer).
   5. The combined bathroom/laundry (for washun shit) .
   6. The shed (for rootun/smokun/shootun/gettun pissed/storun beer/workun on the commo).

All-in-all the bogan is seen as a top bloke by his mates, but is a menace to the rest of society.  Our bogan awareness campaign aims to expose the secrets of the bogan by delving into previously uncharted territory…. n shit

@bogan.com.au